


The Art of Third Wheeling

by UnknownReality



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2019-11-08
Packaged: 2021-01-25 15:47:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21358720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnknownReality/pseuds/UnknownReality
Summary: You both were playing thrid wheel for the person you known, but this time it isn't that bad as you thought it would be
Relationships: Dave Strider/Dirk Strider, Dirk Strider/Karkat Vantas, Jake English/Dirk Strider, John Egbert/Dave Strider, John Egbert/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	1. The Date

> Player be Dirk

turntechGodhead [TG] started to pester timaeusTestified [TT]

TG: yo bro am going to borrow the car  
TT: Hold it. Borrowing the car?  
TG: yes that's what I said  
TT: Hate to burst your bubble broski but you can't drive.  
TG: holy shit there's a flaw in my perfect plan what the hell am I ever going to do I can't go on without a plan I need everything to be in place you gotta help me bro  
TT: Alright. I will help you. Just tell me why you need the car?  
TG: that is... none of your fucking business  
TT: Dave. how do you expect me to help if you don't tell me why?  
TG: by using your damn brain  
TT: Oh haha very funny Dave. But let's get serious here why the hell do you need the car?  
TG: as I said earlier I can't tell you it’s classified therefore if you want to know I would have to kill you  
TT: Right then. I guess you don't need the car so badly. Well, my work here is done so I will see your shitty ass at supper.  
TG: damn you... fine I need the car because I have a date with the world's sexiest fucking nerd with the hell hot ass I can't wait to get my hand on tonight  
TG: I see. Well, you can't drive so I'll chaperone.  
TG: alright but you're sitting far from us  
TT: Awe and here's me hoping to meet the guy.  
TG: no way do you remember the last time you met my date shit got real and stuff  
TT: In my defense, she introduced herself to me first.  
TG: whatever just remember that ass is mine

turntechGodhead [TG] logged off

Your name is Dirk Strider, and your little brother is the world's smoothest ass who had ever fucking lived. How did you come with this? Well for one he got a date. Somehow he managed to actually get someone to say 'yes', hey don't get the wrong idea there were no doubts. He's a handsome fucker with the cool from the ice of Antarctica. He has the swaggest attitude, and his little ass damn. But that is beside the point, he got a date and you are proud of that.

Wonder what he did to get that date? Knowing him he probably just asked the person, not even preparing a moment. Which is so like him, since he tends to say everything and anything on his mind. Just like you did when you asked Jake out for the first time...

Jake English, the old light of your life. The man of which you feel in love with, and was hoping to be with forever. In your opinion everything was great, you believed that everything was perfect. That nothing was wrong, but sadly that was not the case. Apparently to Jake, everything was wrong, nothing was smooth that you thought it was. He even grew a little distanced before breaking the news, before he stabs with his truth. Nothing was worse than finding out that your world collapsed, that everything was a lie. You remember that day, the hate of yourself. You were the one that fucked up in the relationship. You were the one that drove him away, you were too clingy You didn't work hard enough, or you were just not good enough for him.

> Dirk: Dress

You swiftly took out the nicest clothes you had in your closet, which happened to be your black muscle shirt and a pair of punkish red pants. Um… Maybe he wouldn’t be too timid by how you look. Well, it doesn’t matter really, you’re not going for the date You’re going for Dave, for moral support. Or in case things get out of hand and end badly, to tweak it to perfection. Cause anything can and will happen, even the slightest adjustment can alter the possible outcomes. You have to make sure everything goes smooth, for Dave. 

Well, you offered to drive the car, so you guess you should check up on that. Make sure everything is ordered, and check the gas too.

> Dirk: Go check out the car

You began to walk towards the door, but even checking if you have everything in hand. You enter the endless looking hallway and began walking towards the stairs, quickly making your way to the living room where you see a huge mess. Dave, as usual making, messing wherever he goes. He should really learn to clean up after himself, or at least move it aside. But what can you say, you do the same too so you shouldn't really critique your brother? Anywho you quickly walked by the door, where a rack hang. You swiftly took the keys off the rack and headed outside.

It wasn't that cold for an afternoon, it couldn't be anymore colder than it already is. Or at least you hope so, you hate standing out in the cold in the night like these. But nevertheless you had to, you want to make sure the car had gas for you to drive your brother to his date. What would happen if you didn't have gas, and miss the movie? His date could get bored, and never want to go on another date with him. First impressions are always important.

You began to open the door and headed toward a red family car, one of running through the males of the family. Your dad's dad owned the car before when he first got his driver's license, and your dad owned it when he got his driver's license. Now you own it, and soon enough so will Dave whenever he gets his driver's license. You can just imagine his face when he gets told he owes it. He'll be so excited....maybe not. The car does look like a pile of garbage, but hey maybe he will tweet it.

You place the key into the keyhole, opens the door. Processing to try it on, and see what level you're on at fuel. Your eyes glanced at the meter, you seem too good. Well, that's a relief, it looks like everything runs smoothly. You quickly turn off the car and locked the door. Heading back to your home, better tell Dave to hurry up.

>Dirk be Karkat


	2. Sure I'll be your wingman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John needs help and he turns to the love guru to help him

>Dirk be Karkat

You are now Karkat Vantas, and you are happily enjoying yourself in your room. Watching one of your favorite romantic movies, one of which you haven't seen for five years. You gentle lay on your bed, eating fresh popcorn from one of your family's bowls. Slowing eating, as you were so intensely interested in the scene at hand. A side character has confused his love for one of the women at the office, but not any woman. This woman, in particular, was the head chef of the organization, but also was wealthy married to his brother. This can brew up a shit load of trouble.

What the...  
Is he seriously?....  
In the middle of a movie...

You glance over at the side of your computer, to see your childhood friend username glowing. And a green dot next to it, you let out a growl in annoyance. He's your childhood friend, he should know to never bother you when you're watching one of your films. Especially now since it's a good scene, but not like the little shit head he is he decides to bother you. RIGHT NOW! You look at the name in annoyance.

> Karkat answer friend

ectoBiologist [EB] began to pester carcinoGeneticist [CG]

EB: kar favor  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M BUSY WATCHING MY ALSO BELOVED ROMOCONS TO HANDLE WHATEVER BULLSHIT YOU NEED ME TO DO!  
EB: i know i'm bugging you at the wrong time but I do need this favor  
CG: URH, FINE! WHAT THE EVER FUCKING HELL DO YOU WANT! AND THIS BETTER BE A GOOD ONE!  
EB: i need you to tag along on a date with me  
CG: YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME! YOU WANT ME TO BE A THIRD WHEEL ON YOUR DATE! WHY THE HELL WOULD I EVEN AGREE TO THAT!  
EB: it's really important kar i mean it's going to be awkward but with you there it will less awkward  
CG: LIKE I GIVE FIVE FUCKS ON HOW COMFORTABLE YOU ARE IN THIS DATE! THE ANSWER IS NO!  
EB: but kar i don't want to screw this up he seems cool and this might be a once in a lifetime event  
CG: WAIT!HE! YOUR GOING OUT ON A DATE WITH * ANOTHER DUDE!**ANOTHER MALE THAT HAS A DICK LIKE YOURS! WHOA, SHIT!* ALL THOSE YEARS OF AM NOT A FUCKING HOMO WENT DOWN THE FUCKING TOILET! CAUSE YOU'RE A FUCKING HOMO!  
EB: i am not a homo am just...  
CG: GOING ON ANOTHER DATE WITH ANOTHER DUDE!  
EB: he insisted and i don't want to be the douche so i said yes  
CG: SO NOW YOU'RE HOPING FOR ME TO JOIN SO IT CAN BECOME JUST A HANGOUT AND NOT A DATE!  
EB: yes  
CG: JOHN YOUR FUCKING MESSED UP! THIS GUY PROBABLY WANTED A FUCKING DATE AND NOT A FUCKING HANGOUT! HE WANTED TO HAVE A ROMANTIC ATMOSPHERE NOT A FUCKING FRIENDLY ONE! YOU ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING MESSED UP! HEY JOHN WHO'S THIS? OH HIM? YEAH, THIS IS MY CHILDHOOD FRIEND KARKAT! I BROUGHT HIM ALONE SO THIS WON'T GET INTENSE! BUT I WANTED IT INTESENT! WELL SORRY, I DIDN'T I HOPE THIS DOESN'T RUIN ANY OF YOUR FUCKING PLANS TO KISS ME OR WHATEVER! JOHN I NEVER WENT TO SEE YOU AGAIN YOU DOUCHE! AND YOU WONDER WHY YOU ARE FUCKING SINGLE JOHN!  
EB: but you need to come i will die by awkwardness if you don't  
CG: GO FIND ANOTHER FUCKING THIRD WHEEL! CAUSE I AM NOT MOVING MY ASS!  
EB: but kar okay what if i promise that if you do this for me you can pick the next movie we watch when you come over on a sleep over  
CG: NO!  
EB: i will buy you the latest rom com movie  
CG: AM PERFECTLY CABLE OF DOING THAT ON MY OWN THANK YOU!  
EB: fine i 'll admit that i am gay and say you were right the whole time  
CG: WHILE YOU KISS HIM ON THE CHEEK!  
EAAB:urg fine  
CG: SEE YOU IN A BIT DIPSHIT!

carcinoGeneticist [CG] has logged off

Looks like your plan of watch romcoms had been a foil, and now you're playing the role of a third wheel. Which seems to bother you, you don't know what to do. You never actually been the third wheel before, but you guess you just have to learn.

You quickly close your laptop and gently put it away, you look over the small nightstand in your room and picked up your house keys. Shoving them into your pocket, as you made your way to the door. Without looking back you close the door and headed for the stairs. Hoping to not catch anyone's eye but that was a failure when your brother began to talk.

" Where are you going this late brother?"

He said, as his Pale white eyes glared at you. You look back at him with a frown, before continuing your path. You don't have to answer him, or anyone. Even if he is a little sweep older, you know what you're doing and that’s all that matters. You walk along, hoping that it ended the unwanted sidebar. But no, your brother just followed you and kept asking you where you are going at this hour. You simply manage to ignore him, until you went into the kitchen to grab some snacks. In hell's name where you going to pay those overprices foods when you can take some form home for free.

Anger boiled inside, as your brother's voice seems to never come to an end. You bite down on your lower lip, trying to hold in. His voice went on and one, there was no way to get him to shut up. For the sales of your ears and your own, you answered him loudly.

"FINE! AM GOING TO BE A THIRD AT JOHN'S DATE! WILL YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Which caused your brother to stop talking, finally silences. The all so sweet abyss you have been waiting for, finally, you can hear yourself think again. And better yet your annoying brother has finally shut up. Or you thought.

"John has a date?"

With that you glared at him for two sold seconds before leaving the kitchen and doing your shit, quietly you left the house and walked over to John's house. Which was only two blocks away from your house, quietly you mumbled sweet angry nothing to yourself. Cursing John for making you do this, and for interrupting your favorite movie. You thought of ways to get him back as you walked along the sidewalks.


	3. New Experiences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk is trying to get information on this mystery date and the person Dave is trying to get with

> Dirk be Karkat

You are now back as playing as Dirk, right now you seem to be standing in front of your little bro's room. Banging on the door, and trying to get his attention. Nothing seems to be working, not even the call of free apple juice got his engine running. Which by the way you were positive would've worked on him, since he god damn love apple juice. You began. To bang on the door harder, yelling things that will hopefully get his attention.

"DAVE!HURRY UP! OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL PURPOSELY DROP ONE OF MY SMUPPETS IN YOUR ROOM!"

You yelled, getting annoyed with the shitty silences he kept giving you. The door quickly flung open, and your brother pops out in one of his casual yet classy outfits. He picks himself up nicely, you mean he looked great in what he was wearing. But then again he usually looks great in everything he tries, " You can't rush perfection" your little brother said to you. Yeah, but you can rush a smuppet into his ass when he sleeps at night. You gave a little growl at him, as he passed you.

What does he think he is, hot shit? Ha right, girls love the immature cocky preteens or guys in this circumstance. How did he ever get a date with this guy anyway? Did he casual just found him online and asked him on a date? Okay...maybe that was exactly what he did. Oh right! Talking about the date you don't even know ow where it is. You should probably ask him.

> Dirk: ask Dave about the date

"Hey, where is this date anyways?"

Casual, there that was settling. No way he could possibly think you're trying to find out information about his date, "what do you need to know?" Or maybe he does know, oh well no time to back down on a lie in a time like this. " I need to know where I'm drivin' you at" you answered smoothly, you two stare at each the for a spoon your before he was caved in. Like you knew he would since no one can say no to you awesomeness.

" it's the theater near the mall..but we need to pick up my date at his house"

Did he just say pick up? He's not going to meet him there? Like he does with his the dates. Hm, this person must have really made a good first impression to get this special treatment. Maybe you can find out more when you two are in the car, you're positive you could get more detail on this date. Or at least who he's going on the date with, as a guardian it's important for you to know these things. You don't want him to be dating someone who is bad for him, like you and Jake. That little bastard, Dirk focus!

You shifted your focus as you walked out of the house with your brother, "just tell me where to go and I will try my best not to screw up" you said. To only get a nod in response, which only meant he got it. It's the silent agreement all Strider does, it's the way you were raised. And it the way you will die, or at least come with you when you die.

With that, you both entered the car, and you began to drive following Dave's order. Okay now is your chance to ask him!

> Dirk: interrogate

" So... about your date who is he exactly?"

You said trying to act as casual as you can, your brother glance at you before he glanced back at the window. Is he going to answer or? " his name is John I met him online a few years ago," Dave said bluntly, not going. Into any specific details. You still more, "really? How did you meet?" You asked.

" We met online when we played an online game, we started to chat and became friends and we still talked and became even closer."

It was all you could get out of Dave before he ignored you again. At least you got something, and you don't have to worry about it. You're going to meet him soon.

> Dirk be Karkat again


End file.
